Impulse-Control

Not resisting impulses, drives, or enticements to do something harmful to themselves or others. Patients may or may not consciously try to resist the impulses, and they may or may not plan their behaviours. Patients sense increasing tension or arousal before they act; afterward, they experience feelings of pleasure, satisfaction, or freedom and may not feel sincere remorse, guilt or self-reproach.

So I was doing research on this subject because strangely enough I always seem to find myself in these kind of situations. The thing is I have come to realize that its difficult to accept that I appear to have no kind of self control, and the truth is that its actually very personal because most normal people dont react on impulses so much as I tend to do. I always try to blame people, the system and society, but I guess that for there to be a more harmonious way of living one must try and supress the impulses to actually physically hurt other people.

So here is one of the categories of Impulse-Control Disorders

Intermittent explosive disorder- episodes of agression resulting in harms to others.

This is the one that I think most affects me. One of the most common things that happen to me is that I litterally when am mad, or frustated with a person, especifically the male specimen, in an argument or in a moment of extreme dissapointment, etc. I tend to just freak out and slap the person in the face. I have actually been lucky enough to have never been slapped back but I guess I can be pretty scary when mad so most people just tend to let me be. In my life I have slapped a few guys in the face, punched a boyfriend in the face, vandalized cars and destroyed private property of old lovers. This is quite disturbing, no guy would ever want to date a girl that does things like these (not that I have done this to all, actually a minority but still...). Of course these things dont happen out of nothing, the men affected by my wrath are frankly kind of shitty and in a way deserved it, but the reality of the situation is that I am not the one to judge. So I dont feel bad for actually doing these things but I do wish I could have a better control of my impulses so that these kind of things dont happen really ever again.

These kind of actions are some of the reasons why people think im a little crazy, but in the end I must say that I dont consider myself a crazy person I just sometimes feel very passionately about some issues and express myself in that way. If you actually knew me you would find that im actually a good hearted person but I just dont deal that well with dissapointment and anger.

La piloto (The Pilot)

Esta pintura, fue inspirada en la actríz alemana del siglo XX, Marlene Dietrich. Básicamente nació de mi interés en la imágen femenina rompiendo los estereotipos sexistas de la sociedad. Es una de mis primeras obras al óleo lo cuál fue un proceso nuevo para mí. Logre adaptarme con facilidad por la cualidad maleable de la pintura. Trabajar este nuevo medio fue un gusto abriendo todo un mundo nuevo de posibilidades. Oh, Marlene, quel visage!

Franka Potente's "I wish"

I wish I was a hunter in search of different food
I wish I was the animal which fits into that mood
I wish I was a person with unlimited breath
I wish I was a heartbeat that never comes to rest
I wish I was a stanger who wanders down the sky
I wish I was a starship in silence flying by
I wish I was a princess with armies at her hand
I wish I was a ruler who'd make them understand


We went beyond all frontiers
Explosion it felt like an Explosion
and I swear I can still feel its vibrations

I know you're running and yet
you won't be close and really here
until you're right here in my arms
I will fall to the ground if you don't fly with me

Oh Baby, Oh, baby please please run and don't give up

I missed you so much demons will eat me up
if you're not here with me
I'll do as you say, don't be afraid
I won't leave you cause the world's all ours

We can be everything we want to but right now you're on your own

I wish I was a writer who sees what's yet unseen
I wish i was a prayer expressing what I mean
I wish I was a forest of trees that do not hide
I wish I was a clearing no secrets left inside

I am here because of you

we are lucky to still have time left till eternity
a piece of your existence is present within me
and I hold it close but it kills me to remember it all
cause it won't leave me alone
please stay with me, please forgive me
don't let it destroy you
we'll get out of here
if only we swear on love

If there is nothing else in this world that keeps us together
apart from what you give me when you love me

Baby, run run, please don't give up
I missed you so much
demons will eat me up if you're not here with me
I'll do as you say, don't be afraid
I won't leave you cause the world's all ours
we can be everything we want to when we're on our own

The two of us describe a silence that wraps up every noise
We both have a conscience and a confidence that can fill every room
you will miss me, too, when no one's with you
cause I want to know who you really are

I don't need you more than you need me
I don't need you more than you need me
I don't need you more than you need me
I don't need you more...

I wish I was a hunter in search of different food
I wish i was the animal which fits into that mood
I wish I was a person with unlimited breath
I wish I was a heartbeat that never comes to rest

I wish I was a forest of trees that do not hide
I wish I was a clearing of secrets left inside
I wish I was a stranger who wanders down the sky
I wish I was a starship in silence flying by

I don't need you more...

The Pest

AGH!
Im sick of the pestilence of this wretched city. Not even the rain can wash away the stink of its streets. Filled with cockroaches corpses in my way. Were did all the flowers go? Must I live surrounded by this disgusting stench of living flesh?
No wonder why I have to drink myself to sleep.

Les Amours, XII

J’espère et crains, je me tais et supplie,

Or’ je suis glace, et ores un feu chaud,

J’admire tout, et de rien ne me chaut,

Je me délace, et puis je me relie.

Rien ne me plaît sinon ce qui m’ennuie :

Je suis vaillant, et le cœur me défaut,

J’ai l’espoir bas, j’ai le courage haut,

Je doute Amour, et si je le défie.

Plus je me pique, et plus je suis rétif,

J’aime être libre, et veux être captif,

Cent fois je meurs, cent fois je prends naissance.

Un Prométhée en passions je suis,

Et pour aimer perdant toute puissance,

Ne pouvant rien je fais ce que je puis.

Pierre de Ronsard